Shaggy Dog Stories
A BIT OF A WAG
By Stephen Southwold.
Soon after Adam arrived in the Garden of Eden all the animals held a great meeting to talk things over. They wanted most of all to talk about themselves. and talk they did for three whole days and nights. At the end of it all they had settled all things with great satisfaction - with one exception.
They knew what their teeth were for,
"Teeth are to rend and slay." Roared the lion
"So they are !" Piped a little rabbit ; "So you'd better be careful."
"Claws !" Coughed the tiger, "claws are to rip and tear."
"Splendid ! lisped the mouse ; "I'm a wonderful ripper."
"Noses !" trumpeted the elephant, "noses are to sniff and scent the air. "
"Legs !" snarled the wolf, "Legs are to carry one swiftly to the ends of the earth."
"I love mine best of all," grunted the tortoise.
And so they went on and on, perfectly pleased and satisfied with their bodies and all their parts. BUT when it came to their tails, they simply didn't know what to say. They couldn't see no possible use for tails, and after puzzling over it for a long while, with much wrangling and jangling and bickering, they decided to go and ask Adam.
So off they trooped in a vast crowd, and presently were come to Adam, seated lazily under a spreading banyan-tree.
"Well , my little ones, my pretty ones, what do you want ?" asked Adam.
The fox, who because of his cleverness had been made spokesman, replied, "Oh Father Adam, we are very pleased with ourselves."
"So you ought to be," replied Adam, with a smile.
"We love our teeth," went on the fox, "and our claws and our ears and our legs and our eyes and our noses and all things that are ours."
"Well ?" inquired Adam, "What then ?"
"Except our tails," continued the fox.
"You don't like them eh?" laughed Adam.
"Oh we like them all right, Father Adam," replied the fox, "It's just we don't know what to do with them. Are they of any use, or are they just beautiful and no more ?""Beautiful and no more !" cried Adam. "Why what more do you want ? Isn't it enough to be beautiful, eh ? You ungrateful rascal !"
"oh yes, of course, dear Father Adam," went on the fox very humbly, "but we should like to use our tails as well. What would you suggest that I should do with my fine bushy tail ?"
"You !" said Adam. "Why, sweep away your footprints with it, and then no one can follow you." And the fox, who was already something of a purloiner, thanked Adam with all his heart and hurried away.
And then all the others began to crowd about Adam, begging him to tell them the best use they could mmake of their tails.
"Swish off the flies with yours, old Cow," he said to the cow.
"Balance yourself with yours, and sit up as I do," he said to the Kangaroo.
At that moment a loud squealing and squeaking was heard. It was the guinea-pig crying and sobbing that it was unfair because he had no tail. But Adam told him to take himself off, and that perhaps one day if he were good his tail might grow. Alas it never did grow, and we can only think he was a little naughty now and then.
Last of all to come were the cat and the dog together. The cat was in a very bad temper, and as the dog jostled her in his eagerness she cried, "Keep away from me, you clumsy wretch, or I'll scratch your nose."
"Grinning ninny !" hissed the cat. "I hate animals who are always grinning. Why do you do it, you dolt ?"
"Because I'm happy and good-tempered," replied the Dog
"And a very good reason too," said Adam; and resting his head upon his hand he thought for a while.
Presently, raising his head, he looked at the dog and asked, "Are you often happy and pleased ?"
"Nearly always," replied the dog. "Do you know, I really believe that I like every one !"
"And would you like to show all the world when you are pleased and happy ?" asked Adam.
"He does !" interrupted the cross cat; "he grins like a nincompoop."
"Hold your tongue !" cried Adam sternly. "Very well, then,"continued Adam sternly.
"So you shall. When you feel pleased and happy, wag your tail."
"Oh splendid !" cried the dog, careering round and wagging his tail madly.
Then Adam turned to the cat. "You had better do the same," said Adam kindly.
"I shall do nothing of the sort," replied the cat sulkily; I hate dogs. Lolling his silly tongue and wagging his silly tail, and pleased with every one."
"Well what will you do then ?" asked Adam patiently.
"Easy" said the cat. "I shall wag mine when I'm cross !" hissed the cat.
"You'll soon get tired !" laughed Adam.
"You'll wag it right off !" giggled a mouse, who had been listening.
Oops . . and that was how the first mouse came to be chased by the first cat.
And it also explains why you'll never, never, never see an angry dog wagging it's tail; but you will see cross-patch cats wagging their tails, all day and every day.
